then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
