he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
