In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
