just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's always time for handjobs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
