evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
