I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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