I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize