apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
