what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I look better un-naked...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
