Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
