did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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