I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize