I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
