I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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