I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
