I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
