His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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