You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
