she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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