She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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