And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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