Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
