so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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