note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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