I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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