just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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