you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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