You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think brook has ever known best
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
