My liver just broke up with me...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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