Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
