Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Boobs are out for the taking
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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