i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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