ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
