Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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