the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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