I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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