i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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