it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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