Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
