i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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