Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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