he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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