I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
