There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
