Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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