...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
