Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
