Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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