please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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