We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize