My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
