good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
