Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
