I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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