is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
