I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
