My first STD was from a foam party
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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