he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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