Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
