How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
