my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize