This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does one acquire holy water?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
