I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
