and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Blood and glitter go together right?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
