i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
