Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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