she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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