i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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