Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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