gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
