Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
