This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
