A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
