OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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