it was like eating out sand paper
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
