i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
