I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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