I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
