Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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