The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Randomize
