your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
