Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize