My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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