if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
