how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
