I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
