my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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