my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
