I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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