farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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