she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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