oh god the rape fog is back!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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