Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
