ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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