Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
