I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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