my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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