I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
