Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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