I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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