You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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