We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
