Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
