***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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