if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
