was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize