Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
