They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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