Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
