dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
