please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
