I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize