just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
