In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
