Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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