Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
